Widow mom hid college money meant for her son until he was 48-years-old so that he'd help her around the house for all of his 20s: 'If I had the money when I was 20, I’d have finished college.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Jul 10, 2026 7:45 AM EDT

She did this because she is selfish.

I will never understand parents who intentionally clip their children's wings for their own selfish reasons. They will sabotage career opportunities and relationships that can benefit their kids in the long run merely because it makes them temporarily upset or uncomfortable. I'm sure there are thousands of moms in the world who cry for months after dropping off their kids at an Ivy League school, but they would never consider not letting them attend that school just because it makes them upset. Being a parent takes endless sacrifices, and once your kid grows up, you must make the sacrifice of letting them go and experience the world on their own. The best parents do what they can to help their kids, but they also know when to let them make their own decisions. They need to be allowed to fail and given space to make the right decisions for themselves, not for their parents. 

The mom in this story is extremely selfish. She didn't let her son spread his wings and go out on his own when he was college-age, even though there was money for him to do so. Instead, she forced him to stay home and help take care of the home. She finally fessed up to this act years after he had already had a military career and used the GI Bill to finish his undergraduate degree at age 41. Now, he has to mourn all of the wasted time.

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  • 01
    Elderly mother, who hid her son's college bonds from him for years, so that he wouldn't have the autonomy to attend college.
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Elderly mother, who hid her son's college bonds from him for years, so that he wouldn't have the autonomy to attend college. 

    Photo depicts a model, not the real character in this story. 

  • 02

    Mother held onto college bonds and didn’t give them to me till I was 48

    I didn't go to college in my 20's because I didn't have money. Did my best by working full time and attending junior college full time, but the money | made was only just
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 03
    enough to get meh grades and make enough to just float by. By the time it was time to transfer I knew I didn't have enough money to go so I concentrated on
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 04
    working and saving as much as I could. My father d..d when I was 8, so when my mother saw I was working 12ish hours a day, she insisted I help with the house and so I
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 05
    did, as well as pay for misc expenses and my younger brother's school needs. Years pass, never did save enough to go back, so the military became an option around
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 06
    30. When I got out at 36 due to injuries sustained overseas, I leveraged the GI Bill to finish my engineering degree and finished at 41.
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 07
    U.S. ARMY
    via Lance Reis

    A military man who finally earned a degree at age 41 after a decade of serving his country and a preceding decade serving his mother. 

    The man in this photo is a model.

  • 08
    Anyway, I just found out my dad put away money for me every month when he was alive in the form of educational bonds. More than enough to have gone. I looked it up
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 09
    and it was about 10% of his base pay that he put away. For whatever reason my mom just never gave it to me till recently. I'm now 48. I'm having a hard time
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 10
    processing this. If I had the money when I was 20, I'd have finished college. If I had it back then I'd have started a family far earlier and not have spent $240k on IVF. I'd also not
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 11
    The man's wife gets IVF treatments, which could've been avoided if they hadn't had to wait so long to start their family.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The man's wife gets IVF treatments, which could've been avoided if they hadn't had to wait so long to start their family.

    The scenario in the photo is depicted by actors. 

  • 12
    be walking around with a cane. I feel like I missed out on living life from 20 to 36, all because my mother chose to not give the money my father intentionally set aside for me.
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 13
    I'm looking for opinions on how to handle this. Be it mentally, physically, legally, whatever. I know this has been eating me up mentally and reducing me physically due to the stress.
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 14
    Tall-Compote 1354 I think you need to find a good therapist as soon as possible. I was filled with rage reading this and it isn't me and I don't even know you. You have to find a professional to help yourself. You deserved better.
    via u/Tall-Compote1354
  • 15
    I_Braid_Armpit_Hair OP You're probably right. VA has recommended this to me but VA is being the VA and they claim they called me to schedule an appt but didn't.
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 16
    ThePensiveE To add, they're going to be better prepared to help you navigate whatever the journey coming to peace with your mother looks like. It's going to be an ongoing process. I wish you well on the journey.
    via u/ThePensiveE
  • 17
    Educational-Dirt4059 Did your mother explain herself because
    via u/Educational-Dirt4059
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    I_Braid_Armpit_Hair OP She has not as I haven't asked her. Tbh part of my is afraid of the answer, that it'll be astounding stupid, but somehow my fault. My wife wants me to talk to my mother, as my wife can tell my mother knows I don't want to talk to her. It's a nerve thing. I just haven't built up enough nerve to ask, nor be ready for her answer.
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair
  • 19
    cant_dyno From an outside perspective of what you've said it seems pretty clear why your mum withheld the money. She didn't want to lose out on the financial and physical help you were giving her at the time. As you said she insisted you contribute some of your paycheck to support her at the time. If youd have gone off to collage she'd have lost you as a resource which was making her life easier. 100% selfish and intentional on her part. She held you back because she wanted your help.
    via u/cant_dyno
  • 20
    WesternInspector 1904 Have this exact conversation with your mom. It's not fair you could not concentrate on yourself / your schooling but you had to pitch in on your siblings schooling. You were the brother not the father. Maybe check and see if you are able to use that money another way now?
    via u/WesternInspector1904
  • 21
    I_Braid_Armpit_Hair OP I have the bonds in hand. They're worth $17k now. I get that that's a lot, but it would have been life changing money when I was 20 or so. Unfortunately $17k would do little to help my current situation. As of now I've framed them as it's proof that my father cared about my education.
    via u/I_Braid_Armpit_Hair

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bond bad parenting widow mom 20s money college son
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